I beg your pudding?

I used to be a good listener
Or at least I thought I was
You, dear friends, 
Might tell me different
And I wouldn’t mind 🙂

I tried to be a good listener
Attentive, empathetic, sympathetic
Remembering details
Recalling them for future conversations
Enjoying sharing such a simple pleasure

Now …
Now it’s now so much fun
Not so rewarding
Not so participatory
The intention is still there
I intend to listen
To converse
To share and enjoy
But I’m disabled
Un able to
I’m limited
By my CFS

I can listen for only so long
Can focus for only so long
And so long ain’t that long
Before I drift away
Before my mind wanders off
Like a distracted chicken
Pecking at the corners of my concentration

My eyes glaze
My ears glue
I can see you
But you’re fuzzy at the edges
I can hear you
But I’m fuzzy in the head
It doesn’t go in
Just bounces off the fuzz
Into nothingness and nowhere
I nod
I murmur agreement
You may not even notice

But the one thing I am aware of
Is that I’m gone
I’m not really with you
I’m inside
Looking out through fogged up glass
Desperately wanting to listen
To hear
To share
I wish I was taking it in
But I’m not there

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